There are widely held misconceptions when it comes to wedding planning – believe it or not, not all mother-in-law is like Jane Fonda in Monster in law. Another wedding myth is that brides care much more about wedding planning than bride and groom and end up bearing the brunt of the work. However, according to the 2020 Brides American Wedding Study, 32% of men see the big day as a lifelong dream, while only 27% of women say the same.
In fact, men care a lot about making the wedding special and unique. Forty-four percent consider incorporating hobbies and special interests a priority, while over 40 percent also wish to celebrate social, political and religious beliefs and cultural backgrounds. When it comes to Instagram likes, forty percent of men care about making their special day Instagram worthy, compared to just thirty-seven percent of women.
So, married, with these stats in hand, you should feel confident during the wedding planning process – you are in good company.
The duties of the groom
“Today’s groom is different from previous generations,” says Annie Lee, senior planner at Daughter of Design. “They are involved, present, and I really enjoyed the dynamics in which the couple planning together has transformed weddings.” The bride and groom can take on as many tasks as the brides. Whether it’s choosing a venue, creating the guest list, determining a budget, choosing the food, music and decor, wedding planning is not a walk in the park for the bride and groom. .
It is especially important that as the groom, you take responsibility for your side of the family when it comes to communicating about the wedding. Whether it means answering questions from family or friends, or relaying any special requests or needs to the appropriate vendors. For example, is there someone with a specific dietary restriction that you need to let your caterer know about? Or, is there a person with a disability who may need special assistance? Are there two family members who really don’t get along and should be kept away from each other? See yourself as the captain of your “family and friends team”.
Of course, you also have plenty of other choices to make, like choosing what outfit you and your groomsmen will wear, what wedding style you want, and what gifts you will give your groomsmen. Read on for the ultimate groom’s homework checklist.
Homework before marriage
It’s time to organize a wedding. Here’s what a groom needs to do to make the big day happen.
Be an equal partner in the planning process
“Research and hire vendors, find a venue, order clothes, manage the budget, create design ideas, manage the guest list, create a seating plan, and more. », Encourages Lee. “Both of the engaged couple are also responsible for planning their wedding. It’s often the first team project of this magnitude, so it’s okay to divide and conquer, but I think the key here is that there is active participation from both. It’s your wedding together, so it’s important that you feel empowered to talk about what you’re doing and what you don’t want out of your day. You need to feel confident in giving your opinion on a venue, caterer, group, or any other supplier decision. Remember, it takes two for a wedding to take place!
Connect with your side of the family
One of the hardest parts of planning a wedding is communicating with so many different family members. You should act as a representative of your side of the family, while your fiancé can act as a representative of theirs. If your family plans to contribute financially, that means they have a bit more of a say in wedding planning decisions, especially if they are paying for something specific like the bar bill or the rehearsal dinner.
It is also important that you organize the guest list on your side of the family. “A big help is helping to collect addresses for invitations from your friends and family,” says Erin Taylor, owner of Bustle Events. If you and your spouse divide and conquer among your sides of family and friends, it will make the whole process less overwhelming.
Choose your outfit and your wedding ring
Figure out what you want to wear on your big day and what you want your fellow groomsmen to wear. Before choosing your costume, consider the overall style of your wedding and your venue. Is it in a luxury downtown ballroom or is it an intimate wedding in the backyard? Having the aesthetic of the day in mind will help you know what to wear. For a more formal and upscale event, consider donning a classic black tuxedo. For a seaside party, a navy blue suit with a light tie may seem more appropriate than a three-piece suit. Maybe you want to add a touch of personality to your look with a patterned clutch bag or personalized cufflinks. Whatever you end up wearing, it has to be authentic to you and your style.
You’ll also want to do some ring shopping, but this time for yourself! Whether you’re heading to the jeweler on your own or accompanied by your fiance, you’ll want to give yourself plenty of time to find the perfect band (and save some money to buy it if you need to).
Buy groomsman gifts
It’s important to buy something for the most important men in your life to thank them for being by your side on your wedding day (and all the days before it). There are dozens of options, from engraved whiskey glasses and koozies that keep your drinks cool to cufflinks with their embroidered initials and dopp kits. You don’t have to all have the same thing either. If you have a groomsman who loves whiskey but doesn’t like to dress up, engraved glasses might be a better option than a pair of personalized cufflinks. This should be one of the funniest tasks in planning.
Responsibilities of the day
The wedding day means it’s time to go. Here’s what to do when you’re not saying your “yes”.
To be punctual
It may sound simple, but there are so many moving parts on the wedding day that sticking to the calendar or schedule created by the wedding planner will help things run smoothly. You might not be doing your hair and makeup for hours on end, but you will have a number of groomsmen dressing up (tying bow ties and pinning bodices takes longer than you think) you take photos before the ceremony and maybe revise your vows if you wrote them yourself. “All I ask my clients is to prepare on time! Be dressed and ready at the time shown on the timeline, ”says Lee. The star quarterback wouldn’t miss the kickoff, right? Treat your wedding day like you’re the quarterback. The ceremony is the big game (but maybe keep that analogy to yourself).
Manage your side of the family
Again, as the captain of your “family and friends” team, you may need to put out last minute fires with your family. Did your cousin miss his morning flight? Or did your mom and aunt have a fight? You don’t want minor issues like these spill over into other parts of the day, so helping to alleviate these issues as soon as they happen will keep the day going. Obviously, you can’t solve all the problems, but you can play the role of mediator and play the “it’s my marriage” card to avoid any family problems. Also, be sure to keep people nearby for the wedding photos after the ceremony if you are taking family photos. “Keep an eye out for family members if they take pictures afterwards to make sure no one gets lost prematurely at cocktail hour,” says Lee.
Give gifts to your groomsmen
While you get ready and throw in a few beers to calm any nervousness before the wedding, hand out your groomsmen’s gifts. Doing this in the hotel suite or in the on-site groom’s quarters also allows them to keep the gifts in a safe place until the end of the wedding, unless the gifts are part of the wedding day look. , sure.
It’s probably been months of planning, and with the day finally here, it’s important to soak up every moment. Take the time to truly admire your new spouse and let yourself know that you are surrounded by all the people you love. Take a minute to step away from the craziness at the reception with your new spouse and soak up the moment. After all, your wedding is just one day in your life so you might as well enjoy it!
Homework after marriage
While the marriage may be over, your responsibilities are not quite over yet. Here’s what a groom should do after the guests get home.
Don’t forget your belongings
If you have prepared yourself in the groom’s quarters on site or in the hotel suite, you should make sure to collect any items you left there before heading to your honeymoon suite. “Help make sure you have everything you need after the wedding, such as making sure all of your personal items are loaded in the designated vehicle,” Taylor advises. While it won’t be the end of the world if you leave a few things behind, it’s one less trip you need to take to get back to the scene the next day when you’re likely feeling exhausted and hungover.
If you’ve rented your tuxedo or suit, you’ll want to make sure you bring it back to the store where you purchased it as soon as possible. There is probably a deadline for the return of your clothes to avoid paying a fee. If you are going on your honeymoon and you have no way to return the items on time, ask your best man or other groomsman to return your wedding day outfit.
Create a photo album
Once you’ve collected your photos from your photographer, you’ll want to create a keepsake for yourself and maybe a few other family members! Take a few of your favorite photos from the big day and put them in a book to display on your coffee table or to give to your parents as a birthday or holiday gift. What could be more precious than the gift of memory?
Write thank you notes
Be sure to write thank you notes to friends and family members for any cash or registry items you have received. The sooner after marriage you do it, the better. Make it a goal to write five times a day after marriage ends to make it easier on yourself.